


California Rest in Peace

by Electakyu



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Destiel - Freeform, Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Memory Loss, One-Sided Attraction, Original Characters - Freeform, Pining, Temporary Character Death, Unrequited Love, WIP, but not really an AU, dean smith sort of, happy ending sort of, probably not the story you expected from the opening, suggested/implied samstiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:44:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electakyu/pseuds/Electakyu
Summary: It's been 9 months since he was killed, and Sam and Cas can finally stand to be in a room together. There's been much left unsaid that needs to come out before they can get him back.But further down the line, Cas discovers that things are not as they seem.Dean wakes up in hospital, clueless about what's happened to put him there. He's going to have to work hard to get back on his feet - and discover the truth.





	1. Dead?

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted the opening chapter to my Tumblr (castielpunk) and decided to continue it thanks to a warm reception :)  
> Please let me know what you think! I have the whole story in mind but haven't written it yet, so feel free to contact me here or on Tumblr to push me to finish or express your thoughts.

January 24th 2019

It’d been nine long months since _he_ was killed, and Sam and Cas could finally stand to be in a room together. Coming to the end of a long, dreary January, the sky was grey over. The bunker was warm, though, cosy. It smelled like whiskey.

They’d both had the idea to sit where they’d all sat before, the three of them, around the huge table, which was now strewn with papers from Sam’s research. They’d both brought alcohol - Sam had a case of beers by his feet and Cas had a line of bottles (vodka, rum, whiskey, vodka again, something blue and sweet-tasting, wine) set out in front of him.

At first, they drank silently. It was enough to be together. Sam flicked absently through a book about local lore he’d read a thousand times before. Cas listened to the TV that was on in the next room and took sips from each bottle in order.

Suddenly Sam’s phone rang. He and Cas looked at each other, Cas’s eyes wide.

“Number withheld,” Sam muttered, the first words he’d spoken all day.

He answered the phone. Listened for a moment. Then sighed, frowned, rubbed a hand over his face.

“No, I’m not interested, thank you. Take my number off your call list.”

He hung up and threw the phone down onto the table.

“Cold caller?” Cas asked, his voice dark, eyes down.

“Just for a second I thought …”

“Yeah, so did I.”

They took swigs of their respective drinks in unison.

“If it were going to be any day, it would be today, y’know?” Sam said wistfully.

Cas nodded. “We’re going to have to come to terms with it eventually.”

“Yeah, I know. At this point I’m not even angry, I just miss him.”

“Me too, Sam.”

His tone was gentler now. He lifted his gaze to make eye contact and Sam gave him a little smile. They were in this together, after all.

Silence sat between them for a while, comfortable now. Sam was the one to break it again, with a question that had been burning for months.

“Did you ever tell him?”

Cas pretended not to understand.

“Tell him what?”

After hesitating for a second, Sam decided to be blunt.

“That you loved him.”

“He knew that I loved you guys, you’ve both been more of a family to me than the angels ever were.”

Sam laughed mirthlessly. “That’s not what I meant, and that was the whole problem with you two. You can’t even admit to yourself that you were in love with him, even after he’s gone?”

Cas held his stare for much longer than Sam expected, and it was Sam who had to look away first. Eventually Cas replied.

“You’re a brother to me, Sam. You’re my brother. But yes, he and I had-”

“-A more profound bond,” they finished together.

Sam gulped some more beer. “You never told him what that meant.”

“I know.”

That was the admission Sam wanted. Maybe if he lit a fire under that, told Cas everything, they could finally work together to get him back.

“Okay, let’s put away the alcohol, I’ll make some coffee. We’re gonna talk about this.”

* * *

 

 “Why didn’t you ever …?”

“I didn’t want to … complicate things. There was always so much going on, things much bigger than me and my selfish feelings. It didn’t matter enough to risk fucking everything up.”

“...”

“...”

“I get it, I really do. But your feelings aren’t selfish, they’re important. You’re allowed to be happy, Cas.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sorry he’ll never know … how I felt. But it was never going to be anything.”

“Is that what- Are you kidding? It was never going to- I can’t believe this.” Sam laughed, incredulous.

“Sam, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just too much. It was never going to be anything?”

Cas didn’t know what to say. He squinted.

“Cas, you’ve both been pining over each other for years. I had no idea you were both so oblivious, I thought you were just holding back. You remember when you died?”

Cas nodded, his heart pounding.

“Well while you were dead, he was so depressed, I thought he was going to kill himself. And when you got brought back … I’ve never seen him so happy. He was floating around with a smile on his face for weeks. You really had no idea?”

“What are you saying?”

“He was in love with you, but he’d never do anything about it because he didn’t think you felt that way, he was fighting with that side of himself, he didn’t want to get it wrong and scare you off back to Heaven. And you were in love with him, but you didn’t do anything because you didn’t want to mess up the mission, or ruin our dynamic, and because you didn’t think he felt that way. Do you see why this is frustrating for me?”

“How do you know he … loved ..?”

“Cas, I know my brother better than anyone, better than he knows himself. Knew himself. And I know what love looks like.”

Cas was quiet for a few moments, swirling his coffee around in its cup, before he finally asked, in a soft and sad tone,

“Why didn’t you say anything? To either of us?”

To his surprise, a tear fell from Sam’s eye. He tipped his head back and let out a sigh before meeting Cas’s gaze and replying.

“Because I didn’t think it would end like this.”

They sat in silence for a while, drinking coffee and thinking. He was in the centre of both of their minds, both missing and longing for him to walk through the door. Cas stood up suddenly.

“There has to be a way.”

Biting his lip, Sam shot him an apologetic look. “I already have two leads. But I need your help.” 

* * *

 

January 24th 2020

Since Sam had made it his mission this month to come down on him hard about his drinking, Cas was spending the day alone in a bar. By the time he left, he wasn’t exactly drunk - you try getting an angel of the lord anywhere beyond tipsy in a day - but he knew he shouldn’t go home just yet.

They were close to finding the answer, so close the discomfort of it was almost physical. Cas needed to numb that, so he could think. Sam didn’t understand. His concern came from a place of love, but it didn’t help.

As he started to wander around the town, the nightlife was picking up. People dressed in next to nothing waited in line for dingy looking clubs Cas had never heard of, smoking and stinking of alcohol. They sounded happy, though, and that made Cas feel glad.

Outside one of the clubs, there seemed to be a confrontation happening. Cas kept his distance, so he couldn’t tell what they were fighting about, but one of the men walked away throwing his hands in the air. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and started away down the street.

Instinctively Cas began to follow him. He _recognised_ him. Cas’s heart pounded as he got closer to the man. Soon, he could see. It was really _him_.

Cas called his name, and he turned. His expression was unfathomable, a mixture of ... confusion and exasperation? Not what Cas expected. His heart was in his throat.

He approached him, unsure whether he was going to cry, and without thinking pulled him into a hug.

“Woah, hey!”

“It’s really you!”

“Wha-?”

There was so much happening in Cas’s brain - a little wobble from alcohol, adrenaline, hope, something feverish, a rush of love, a giddiness - that even he didn’t know what he was going to do next before he did it.

He grabbed the man by his jacket, pulled him into an alleyway and kissed him.

It was a bit dry, as far as kisses go, and brief. The taste of cigarette smoke lingered in Cas’s mouth when he pulled away. Staring back at him were a pair of green eyes, bright and wide.

“Who-? How do-? Wha-?”

Cas waited for him to get his thoughts together, his breath coming quick and short. He floundered for a moment, like he was trying to pull a sentence out of thin air.

Eventually he flicked his cigarette away, said “Screw it!” and took Cas by the face.

The second kiss felt much more deliberate and purposeful. There was heat in the hands that were woven into Cas’s hair and the breath that brushed his face. At the end, their foreheads were pressed together, smiles on both their faces.

Cas felt a fluttering behind his navel and a warmth all over.

“Dean,” he breathed, barely daring to speak.

The soft reply came. “I don’t know who you are or how you know my name, but wow you’re a good kisser.”

Cas’s blood turned to ice and his stomach dropped to the floor. The world started spinning. He staggered backwards.


	2. Lost?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up in hospital, his mind blank of memories except for his name. His recovery won't be easy, but what on Earth could have happened to him?

May 2018

Dean knew he was in hospital before he even opened his eyes. Hospital was a word he knew well, and the first thing he saw was a familiar - if slightly blurred - sight. Sterile white and clinical blue.

“John Doe is awake”, he heard someone call in a bored voice. There was a sound like a door closing, opening, closing, opening. Footsteps and the rustle of clothing over quiet chatter and distant, steady beeping.

“Hey sweetheart can you hear me?” The voice was calm and light, the voice of an older woman who’s seen it all and got the t-shirt.

Dean felt someone prod his arm and wrist. Gradually he became aware of pain, all over his body. But mostly it was concentrated in his head and legs.

“Sir?” The woman’s voice again.

Someone shone a light in his eyes and he blinked. It hurt and he couldn’t focus his eyes. He tried to say so but it only came out as a croak. Then there was someone feeding him water.

“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” the woman asked again.

“Y-yeah.”

“Can you tell me your name?” She waited a beat. “Do you remember your name?”

“Dean.”

“Do you know your last name?”

Dean shut his eyes, trying to drag up the memory attached to his last name. It was just out of reach, clouded by fog.

“No.”

“Alright Dean, that’s ok. We’re just gonna call you Dean Smith for now, just for the paperwork, but you let me know if you remember anything ok?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“So polite! Very refreshing. Alright, you rest up, a nurse is going to come and get you ready for some tests very soon. My name’s Doctor Freeman, I’ll be making sure they’re treating you right.”

Dean tried a chuckle, which turned into a cough.

Door closed. A few minutes of silence. Door opened. Door closed.

“Hey there Dean, how you doing?” The young lady prodded him, shone a light in his eyes again, poked him, moved his pillows about until he was comfortable.

“Are you in any pain?” she asked.

“My head.”

“You have a minor amount of brain damage, so your head is going to hurt but we can give you a little more pain medicine.”

A few more minutes, a few more questions, and then the pain began to subside a bit.

 _Brain damage_.

“What happened to me?”

The nurse didn’t answer right away. Dean squinted to try to get a better look at her. She was round, tanned and soft looking, blonde hair tied up into a ponytail, a neutral expression on her face.

“I’ll let Doctor Freeman talk to you about that.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, Dean, there’s not much I can say.”

“I understand.” He didn’t really, but he didn’t have it in him to argue.

He didn’t notice himself drifting off, but he woke up from a deep sleep to the doctor writing fervently on his chart at the foot of his bed.

“Doctor Freeman?”

“Good morning young man,” she said brightly.

Dean watched her for a few minutes before clearing his throat.

“Doctor, I have a few questions.”

“Naturally.” She came to sit next to the bed, and pulled her hair from its natural cloud into a ponytail while Dean gathered his thoughts. She reassured him with a kind smile.

“What happened to me?”

“We … don’t really know. You were found in a really bad condition - to be honest …” She paused. “To be honest, you really shouldn’t have been alive, but something was keeping you here and you pulled through.”

Dean squinted at her, trying to gauge the expression on her face.

She continued. “We think you might have been in a crash or explosion of some sort. You have a lot of broken bones, like you were thrown a long way. I’m not sure if you’re aware but your legs-”

“I’m missing a foot.”

“It was damaged beyond repair, so we had to amputate your right leg just below the knee. I’m sorry.”

“Well I don’t remember having a foot so I’ll probably adjust.”

He grinned and Doctor Freeman chuckled.

“I’m glad you’re being positive. Rehabilitation is going to be long and tough, I hope you realise.”

“Yeah I figured. Gotta do what you gotta do though, right?”

“If you keep that attitude, you’ll do great.”

“So uh, what’s the deal with my head?”

“Oh yeah, your head was bashed up pretty badly. There’s some localised damage to the part that has to do with memories, and we’re not quite sure if it’s going to be permanent or if it’ll heal. There might also be other effects besides the memory loss, but time will tell.”

“Is that why I can’t see very well? Or do I just usually wear glasses?”

Doctor Freeman stood up and fetched the chart from the end of the bed, sat back down and made a few notes.

“Well, it seems that your eyes were a little damaged in your accident, but it’s not to do with your brain. They’ll probably get better on their own but we can have someone come and test you for some glasses in the meantime.”

“Thanks Doctor. Uh, one last question.”

Doctor Freeman peered at him over the chart.

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to pay for this.”

She looked back down at the chart. “It’s covered.”

“By insurance?”

“No. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to tell you this, but if you’re worrying about it, it won’t help you get better quickly. Basically an anonymous benefactor has taken a shine to you and is covering the cost of your medical bills, indefinitely.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Exactly.” 

* * *

 

The next few days dragged by. In and out of sleep, Dean started to feel a little stronger each time the sun rose. He spent a lot of time asking questions.

He was in California, but wasn’t from California. He had a Kansas accent and Doctor Freeman’s daughter had lived in Kansas for a while. Her name was Dani.

When they’d found him, all he had was a fake ID and a stolen credit card. He had car keys too but they were melted to the point where they could probably never be used again. He hadn’t been wearing a wedding ring so was probably single. They didn’t know if he had any family but he didn’t want them to find out. It was his gut feeling that doing so would be wrong.

He liked pie and his favourite flavour was cherry. Dani brought him some every Friday when she came to have lunch with her mom. She showed him Star Trek and Game of Thrones, which he liked.

He discovered he liked reading and video games, but hated physiotherapy. Learning to walk with broken bones and a prosthetic leg was exhausting and painful. But he made progress, slowly, and took delight in showing Dani whenever he managed to do something new.

Days turned into weeks, and Dani started visiting for Dean rather than Doctor Freeman. Nobody else came to see him, so he was glad of the company.

She teased him about his glasses and he mocked her taste in music - “It’s churned out over-manufactured bullshit! Where’s the talent? Where’s the guitars?!”

They had their first kiss in July. The sun was just starting to graze the horizon. It had been a balmy day, around 80 degrees with a breeze coming through the open window. Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing on the radio, and Dean had been singing along, making Dani laugh with his rendition of Dani California - his nickname for her ever since he first heard it a month ago.

Dani was glowing in the light from the sunset and Dean’s stomach was fluttering, when she leaned over and planted a kiss right on his lips. He wasn’t sure what to do - he couldn’t remember having kissed anyone before - but he felt warm all over, and happy.

When she left for work a few minutes later, he moved to sit by the window to read a book but couldn’t concentrate. All he could think about was Dani glowing in the sunlight, a wide smile on her face, and how it had felt to kiss her.

There was also something nagging in the back of his mind, something like guilt. He couldn’t remember what it was and tried to ignore it, but couldn’t shake the feeling he was forgetting something important.

* * *

 

January 24th 2020

“Your name is Dean Winchester. You’re from Lawrence, Kansas. Today is your forty-first birthday. I’m Sam, your younger brother. Our mom was called Mary and our Dad was John. They’re both dead. Dad raised us to be hunters - hunters of the supernatural. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, witches, demons, angels - they’re all real.

“We save people’s lives by tracking down monsters and things that go bump in the night - and wiping them out. Recently we’ve been caught in a war between angels and demons. There’s also an angelic civil war going on.

“Castiel here is an angel, and he’s been part of our family for a long time, since before all this trouble began. You two were in love.

“Don’t be scared, take some time to digest all that, have some coffee, get warm. Tomorrow, the work begins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a lot of experience with hospitals and rehabilitation of major injuries, so please forgive me if any details there are inaccurate!
> 
> Next chapter is planned out and will be coming in the next few days :) Thanks for reading!


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